How much does your baby weigh?

People understand numbers, so it's not surprising that the first question my friends and colleagues asked was "how much does your son weigh?"... I dreaded that question.  No matter how many ounces he had gained, or how well he was feeding, people always seemed shocked when I answered the question.

He had hit a low of 2 lbs 11 oz when he battled an infection so on the day he hit 4 lbs I felt so much joy and happiness.  He had come so far and was finally gaining steadily.  On that day I left the NICU and decided to stop by work to catch up with my colleagues.  When the question came, I answered "4 lbs" with such pride.  Their reactions were uniform; they couldn't believe how small he was and how slowly (in their eyes) he was gaining weight.  In an instant all the happiness I felt was replaced with fear and worry and a bit of shame that I was having so many problems with being a mom.  It took me several months, almost the entire duration of his stay in the NICU to stop listening.  I stopped listening to the people who didn't know any better and sometimes didn't even answer the question directly but instead listed off all the progress my son had made and his accomplishments.  No one meant any harm they just did not appreciate the anxiety new parents of preemies go through when faced with that question.  I also learned to surround myself with supportive friends and family who did nothing but cheer on every day he was alive and every ounce my son gained.   Somehow they knew that's what we needed and gave me strength during such an overwhelming time.

Similarly, I now try not to give airtime in my head to comments by strangers who ask "how old is your baby" or who seem to dismiss the concept of adjusted age when I explain it to them.

To all of those special people in my life who love and support my little guy, thank you.